Kurt Vonnegut expresses in words how I express myself with paint

I can't stop painting her. It's become obsessive, in this same blue/brown mix that I can't put down. Since I returned from Newfoundland 17 days ago there is literally not a day that has passed that I haven't sat down with a paintbrush and painted. I can't sleep without doing so. And due to the fact that I only had a mere 20 minutes of painting before bed last night I could not sleep for ages and was haunted by nightmares of her when sleep did come.
There is a quote from Kurt Vonnegut, my favorite author when I was coming of age (and one of my favorites to this day) that has stuck with me for ten years:

"For my own part, though: It would have been catastrophe if I had forgotten my sister at once. I had never told her so, but she was the person I had always written for. She was the secret of whatever artistic unity I had ever achieved. She was the secret of my technique. Any creation which has any wholeness and harmoniousness, I suspect, was made by an artist or inventor with an audience of one in mind.
Yes, and she was nice enough, or Nature was nice enough, to allow me to feel her presence for a number of years after she died—to let me go on writing for her. But then she began to fade away, perhaps because she had more important business elsewhere.” 

-Kurt Vonnegut, Slapstick

This stuck with me because at the time I was certainly making art for someone and hadn't realized it until I read that. I made art for that person for years. And then there came a time that I had no one to make art for anymore. And everything became stagnant and I lost my motivation for art.

Before she passed away she had written me out a Christmas card but had not put it in the mail. My other friend sent it to me upon finding it amongst her things. It was like words from beyond the grave, hearing from a ghost.

There were several things in that card that will haunt me but one thing will stick with me the most. She said "I love the new painting you posted. YOU NEED TO PAINT MORE."

And now suddenly I have someone to paint for again. Everything else seems trivial. Like Vonnegut said I feel her presence even after she's gone. And I cannot stop painting her, feeling her, trying to express that there is something behind those eyes that we could never understand and apparently didn't even see.

And here she is. The second in my still untitled obsessive series in the Blue period of my life.

 

May you all always have someone to create for. And may they always be alive and well.

<3 Lenore

New painting

I told you I couldn't put down a paintbrush. Here is a painting of my friend who passed away. And the blue period is certainly working out for me.

This is done in acrylic. It doesn't look exactly like her (the eyes are too big) but I think it expresses what I wanted to express, which is what is most important.

More to come!

<3 Lenore

Blue Period

So I'm going to talk about something I wouldn't normally on a public blog. But it is difficult for me to discuss my art currently without talking about it. And I guess, what I'm expressing in my art is going to show it more than anything.

One of my best friends of almost ten years recently committed suicide.

I went home for a week to spend time with my friends afterwards. Upon being home one of my friends told me that The Old Guitarist by Picasso was one of his favorite paintings.

The Old Guitarist 

Picasso

My first instinct was to promise to paint it for him when I returned. So upon returning to Ontario I began painting it. As I was painting it I started reading about it and discovered that Picasso painted it in his Blue Period, which he fell into after his friend committed suicide. I then painted it with all the sadness and grief I was feeling and love that was lost in my entire being. And I ended up with this:

Replica of The Old Guitarist

Lenore Gale

I am still shocked at what came out of me. I then decided that I would have a Blue Period of my own. Ever since I came back I have not been able to put down a paintbrush. It is the only thing that calms me. I haven't had to paint like this in years. 

I have started an original blue painting. It's already beautiful. I will post it as soon as I am done. 

I hope you all have been having a better time than I am. Always remember to tell your loved ones that you care. 

<3 Lenore